


drowning in dread

by ultnominjun



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, Other, chenle usually knows what to do but it stopped working, chensung are bffs, jisung has really bad anxiety around airports, this is not a romance fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-26 18:20:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20746652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultnominjun/pseuds/ultnominjun
Summary: jisung doesn’t like airports.chenle usually knows what to do, but it’s gotten to a point that he can’t fix it so simply anymore.





	drowning in dread

jisung hated airports. it wasn’t the flying that he hated, but rather the people. with so many people in such close proximity, he could barely handle getting from the entrance through security. nothing could really fix this, either - not medication, not holding hands, nothing. the only real way to fix it was to get better security for their arrivals and departures, but of course that never happened. 

what made it worse was that jisung was too afraid to speak up about his anxiety. he didn’t want to worry anybody more than necessary, really. he hated that idea more than anything. that idea in and of itself made him anxious. 

looking out right now, he could see that there were no barricades to keep fans and fansites back. if it were up to him, he would have cried right then and there. with a quivering lip and one hand balling up the back of chenle’s shirt nervously, he put on a brave face as they began to walk. 

the mobbing was immediate. their managers tried to push back people as calmly as possible without harming anybody, but sometimes that was difficult. sometimes people got hurt and got upset at them for their aggressive security. 

jisung wished they’d understand that they needed more space, that they were being suffocated by the closeness of their fans. it hurt to admit because he knew he’d be hurting some feelings, but the growing mobs of people and their close proximity was beginning to really weigh on him. he could hardly arrive at airports without having a panic attack at this point. it was difficult. 

wide eyes gazed over the crowd, his grip tightening on chenle’s shirt. jisung knew that crowds like this made chenle nervous too, but the elder always seemed to put on a brave face for his best friend. at the very least, it comforted jisung when nothing else could. chenle was a great best friend. 

even now, he had on that brave face for jisung. when jisung physically couldn’t keep up the act, he began to lean against chenle’s back, forehead pressed to the area between his shoulder blades. he looked beyond tiny despite his height. 

he was seconds away from breaking down. there were cameras mere centimeters from his face, people’s bodies pressed up against his in almost disgusting ways. he felt dirty. 

not because of the fans touching him, no. he’d grown used to being touched without consent by fans who thought they had that right when they didn’t at all. he felt dirty because he was being touched without consent. hands on his shoulders, begging for him to look at their cameras. thighs brushing upon thighs, making his legs tingle in the worst way. feet scuffing against feet, making him stumble and fall into chenle even more. 

his lip was quivering again. he could barely hold it together anymore - keeping his head down was his best option. if it went up, everyone would see the crying, the shaken up look on those pretty features of his. he wasn’t meant to be broken, he was meant to be beautiful. 

he was trying so hard to be that for them. 

as soon as they arrived at security, he moved through as fast as he could, discreetly wiping his eyes but keeping his head down. he’d be okay soon.. hopefully. chenle would help. he always did. 

it was better after they were through security. there were still a lot of people who knew they’d be there, but they kept a better distance. jisung felt okay. 

from there, getting to their plane was a bit easier. jisung still had chenle’s shirt balled up between his fist, his head was still down rested between his shoulder blades. he didn’t want to be seen. he felt violated. 

it was so tiring, constantly feeling like this between schedules. he was just a person, didn’t people understand that? he needed his space and his privacy too. why couldn’t they give him that? such a simple thing and yet so many people couldn’t grasp the concept. 

all of nct dream felt this way, truly. he was sure every idol he knew did. the mobbing, the touches, the tripping, the cameras - it was suffocating. jisung wanted it to go away. 

he knew it wouldn’t, though, and that was the worst part about it all. he’d just have to deal with it for the rest of his career. 

dreadful. 

getting into their plane was a relief. it was a private flight back to south korea for a resting period. jisung desperately needed that. 

as soon as they were out of sight, he started to break down. chenle knew it was coming, but jisung hadn’t told anybody else. he knew they’d want him to be okay, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell them that he dealt with severe anxiety, especially around airport crowds. 

jisung made a beeline for the bathroom. immediately after getting inside, he pressed his back to the wall, hands covering his mouth as sobs shook his thin body. he was silent, afraid to alert anybody to his anxieties. 

he didn’t mean to break down like this, a mess of trembles and sniffles, but he couldn’t help it. nothing helped his anxiety. nothing could. it was absolutely terrible. sometimes he just wanted to push it onto somebody else, but nobody deserved to feel like this. jisung thought he was just cursed to feel like this forever. 

the dread he felt around airports would never go away. 

it felt like he’d been in the bathroom for ages, sobbing and shaking and gasping for breath but trying to keep quiet when he heard a tiny knock. he knew exactly who it was. 

even so, he was hesitant as he slid the door open. he didn’t bother looking at himself - he knew what he looked like. puffy, red eyes, pink cheeks and nose, tears streaked down his face. he looked absolutely dreadful. it matched how he felt. 

right before him stood his best friend, a look of complete worry on his face. his eyebrows were furrowed up but his eyes were big and there was a small pout on his lips. seeing that look made jisung feel absolutely miserable. he despised worrying chenle. even so, he quickly pulled his best friend inside and slid the door shut again. 

no words needed to be said. chenle was holding jisung as soon as the door closed, hands soothing down his back as jisung’s head came to rest on his shoulder. jisung was so tiny when he was like this - it was easy to forget that he was the tallest when he crumpled up with anxiety-induced attacks. 

chenle didn’t think about that too much, though. he focused on calming him down. he’d discovered that rubbing his back gently and humming worked well, so that was exactly what he did. 

except today, it seemed a bit harder. all of this anxiety constantly building up was clearly beginning to get to jisung. his attacks had been worse as of late, often resulting in hours of naps afterwards and a lessened appetite. chenle was beyond worried but he knew that jisung didn’t want to bother anybody with it, so he didn’t tell anybody. 

“i’ll be right back.” 

it was quiet - jisung nearly didn’t hear it. he wanted to protest, wanted to cry out at the thought of being alone, but he didn’t. he kept silent, shrinking in on himself as soon as chenle was gone. he felt so alone. 

chenle didn’t know what else to do. he gathered up the rest of the boys and explained jisung’s situation. there was only one reaction among the group: absolute and pure worry. was he okay? how long had this been going on? why hadn’t he reached out? did he know he could trust all of them? 

a gentle knock brought jisung out of his dazed state. he was back to being slightly unresponsive, his hands covering his ears as he shook and sobbed. he was so tired. chenle came in by himself this time. he was gentle as he coerced jisung out, but jisung was still nervous. his eyes went wide with panic and he shook his head - the others couldn’t see him like this. 

eventually, with enough coaxing, chenle got him out. his hand was rested against the small of jisung’s back as he led the younger boy off toward the rest of the group. jisung was met with immediate concern, though there were no questions. chenle had answered all of those, it seems. instead, he was met with an individual hug from each member. they seemed to understand that a group hug would be bad for him. 

jaemin wiped away some of his tears as he held him. renjun rubbed his back and sang a soft song to him. donghyuck gave him the longest hug of all of them. jeno, despite his seemingly avoidant personality when it came to affection, gave jisung’s forehead a kiss. chenle hugged him again, whispering softly to him about how they’d do anything to make sure he was happy and healthy. 

jisung started crying even harder. it wasn’t bad this time; instead, he was crying out of pure love. he hadn’t felt so much love in such a long time. it was.. nice. of course, he hadn’t expected anything less of his bandmates. he knew they would only want the best for him - he was just worried that they’d be bothered by it. 

that proved to be an entirely false thought. the next airport they had to walk through, everyone formed around jisung: chenle took the front as jisung liked to hold his shirt, jaemin and renjun positioned themselves at his sides (jaemin held his free hand), and donghyuck and jeno stood to his back. the formation was obviously to keep jisung from getting too mobbed and it worked better than their security generally did. 

sure, he was still anxious making his way through the airport and he may have squeezed jaemin’s hand a few times, but he wasn’t close to crying as he always was. he even managed to make it into their van with a smile on his face.

that was rarer than anything these days. 

it felt good - the formation had become a natural thing to protect jisung. he never stopped showing chenle his appreciation for telling everyone something he couldn’t bring himself to even talk about. he did it in little ways - buying him his favourite snack or coffee, getting him a little trinket that made him think of him, or just a warm hug and that precious smile they were all so happy to see again. 

chenle thought he had done pretty good, too. 

after all, jisung was smiling again. that was all he wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this on my way home from day6’s chicago concert, which was like from 12 am to 6 am so any errors or ugly parts that kinda cut into nothing or the kinda sucky ending are all victim of my sleepy-ish thoughts!!  
also this was based off of two very specific pictures of chensung walking through an airport where chenle looks like. Pissed at how close everyone is and jisung has his head against his back and looks beyond stressed :-( pls, if u take one thing away from my fic: give them space!! theyre people too!!
> 
> <3 tommy


End file.
